My Sweet Baby Boy

This is by far the hardest post I have ever done. In fact, I have been avoiding it on purpose for the last week. I am actually getting teary just thinking about this again. We have had quite a life-changing event in our family. On January 7, I was 24 weeks along in my pregnancy, and I went in for a checkup with my doctor. To my horror, there was no heartbeat. I can't even express the pain that I was feeling as my doctor told me that my baby was gone. I thought it was all a dream, and I just couldn't wait to wake up. This is every pregnant mothers nightmare, only this was becoming a reality. The days that followed seem like a blur, since all I could do was cry. I didn't think that I would ever get over the pain. I knew that I had to deliver my baby, but I was not ready for the next set of emotions to come to me.

The moment that the nurse brought our sweet little Matthew Keith into us, my heart was filled with love and gratitude for this experience. He was such a perfect little boy, and although we may never know why he didn't survive, we knew that he was our son. He was absolutely perfect, with all 10 fingers and toes, and we love him just as much as our other children. Tyler and I have had countless experiences during this past week that have brought us closer together, and made us realize that families really are forever. I never thought that I would bury one of my children so early on in life, but it really was a spiritual moment for our family. I know that baby Matthew is in good hands. Tyler said that he got the "fast track" to heaven. I am so thankful to know that he is happy, and will most likely be watching out for our little family here on earth. His little spirit has changed the lives of our entire family, and has taught us how to love deeper, and always be grateful for what we have. Our family has pulled together, and helped us get through this tough time. We have felt so much love and support from all of our family, neighbors, friends, and even our family's neighbors. We are so grateful for so many people that have made the loss of our baby just a little bit easier. I have realized that we all have trials in this life, but there is not anything that we can't handle without the help of our Savior, and the loved ones around us.

I don't know how long the pain of losing my baby boy will last, but I will never forget the tender moments when we held his hand, looked into his face, and knew that he would be with us forever.